The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Randomize