Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
