We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
