last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
