Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
