I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
