Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
