stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
