Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
