I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
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