You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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