Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
