Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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