I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
