He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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