no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
