I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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