Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
