And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Someone signed my nipple.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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