grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
