just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Michael Bay diarrhea
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
