I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
