You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
