I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
