I'm lost and stupid without you.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We need to get me chipped asap
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
