yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Someone signed my nipple.
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