I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
