I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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