the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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