if only i could text you this smell
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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