i need an iv and a liver transplant
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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