i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
