I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
