I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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