I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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