Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
