Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Bring me that man meat
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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