Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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