I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
