I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Randomize
