I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
