Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize