Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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