Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
