The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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