why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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