"it" just moved
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
