NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
