My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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