Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude i'm inner monologue high
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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