As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
