Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
