sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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