WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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