Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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