Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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