I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
