your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
