He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
