Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need to sanitize my soul.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
