The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
did you just send me my own nude
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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