those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize
