He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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