I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
