____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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