I think my vagina is haunted
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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