That's when you crack a 10am beer
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I need a beard to bite.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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