i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
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Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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