My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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