Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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